Saturday, November 21, 2015

How a relationship works

Nowadays everyone already knows that so many relationships don't work for long.

But why?

Of course there are many different reasons for this problem and there are no hard and fast rules to solve it.
But in my mind there is one main reason.

Everyone (women and men) has too much expectations on the partner. 

A usual man hopes that the woman stays the same all her life (body and soul). Even if many men never would admit this or even believe that they also think this way in their inside, unfortunately it is so. The woman's beauty is important for men. I don't want to say that the beauty is the most important aspect for them, but it's important. Unfortunately for some men it's actually the most important aspect, but I don't want to talk about these men here. Men also hope that the woman stays the same in her inside.

But all this isn't possible and I'm glad that it is so. Each human develops (the body and the soul). And this is good. In my mind it would be terrible if the humans wouldn't develop. Everyone would look always the same and they would do the same mistakes again and again. I wouldn't want to live in such a life.

But back to topic. Also women have expectations on the men. They expect nearly the opposite. They hope that their partner will become their dreamboat one day, that he will develop and gets better.

And this is the problem.
Everyone is only focused on the other one but doesn't see his/her own problems/flaws.

Exactly in the moment you expects something from your partner the problems begin. You shouldn't and you don't have the right to expect that the other one stays the same (even if this would be possible) or to become the dreamboat.

For a working relationship you have to accept your partner the way he/she is at the moment and will be in the future.

But this is only the first step on the long way to a working relationship.

The next step is to work on yourself. 

You have to realize that you aren't perfect. You have many flaws which are a problem for your partner. And in the case you want to live in a relationship, I take for granted that you love your partner. If this is so, you certainly don't want to have these flaws which are a problem for your partner. Then work on them! I know that this isn't easy. Unfortunately it's the only way for a working relationship. But stay realistic: You never will resolve all your flaws but you should try your best.

Now you know two very important and in my mind the most important steps for a working relationship.
But there is only one problem left.

How could you find your flaws? 

It is very hard or even impossible to find your flaws on your own. The problem is that noone likes to see his/her own flaws. Everyone prefers to think that he/she is perfect and only the other one has such flaws. But the fact is that noone is perfect and everyone has many flaws. That's why you should talk with your partner as much as possible because he/she is able to see your flaws easier. And I don't think of talks about daily things like what you want to eat for dinner her. I think of real talks about your feelings, wishes, worries, your good and your dark side. I know especially men don't like talking about their feelings and so on. But there is no other way to find your flaws and to develop yourself. That's why talk with each other as much as possible.

I know that all this is very theoretical but I hope that you see what I want to tell you.

This photo shows Lindsey Striling, her family and her crew.
I chose this photo to illustrate that all the things which I exlpained above works in each relationship 
(love relationship, friendship, family and even colleagues)

Please write your comments below.

Written by Andreas S. Janke

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